I love the NFL draft, and not just because I’m a Cleveland Browns fan for whom the draft offers an annual opportunity to indulge in wishful thinking about next season.
I love the draft because it’s when sportswriters and analysts strain to produce synonyms for words like big, tall, fast, strong, quick, smart and aggressive. And they struggle to find alternative ways to say, “He’s a good blocker” or “He runs precise routes.”
That’s how you get player descriptions like, “positional versatility,” “rare length,” “jitterbug quicks,” “bendy,” “piano feet,” “excellent physicality,” “excels in space,” and “bounding lateral burst.” And those are just from one website.
But my favorite player description from recent draft coverage has to be: “He possesses great length in his arms.”
Think about that sentence for a moment. You know the writer initially thought, “What can I say about this player? Well, he’s got long arms, that’s for sure.” I like to think the writer even typed the sentence, “He has long arms.” But then he fell victim to a common fear among writers (not just sportswriters) and replaced it with that truly awful bit of writing: “He possesses great length in his arms.” The name of that phobia? Fear of a Simple Sentence.
Fear of a Simple Sentence (FOSS) whispers in writers’ ears that short, simple, easy-to-understand sentences will cause readers to think they’re unimaginative hacks incapable of writing sentences with multiple clauses and hard-to-understand terms. It’s the writerly compulsion to be creative when all that’s needed is to be clear.
Consider this example from an NFL draft site: “A hallmark of his game, the palpable explosiveness, permeates through his every move, asserting dominance in gap penetration and providing a perpetual disruptive presence.” Sounds like a paean to one of the lesser Nordic gods.
FOSS is the irresistible urge to embellish, to turn nouns into verbs and adjectives into nouns. It’s the impulse to forgo the clear and obvious in favor of the murky and imprecise. And it results in bad, hard-to-understand writing. It also can produce zombie sentences, which I explore in another blog post.
Here’s an example from the business world, a press release announcing a new hire: “In her new role, Judy will be responsible for connecting consumer insights with brand needs with the right product solution to optimize value of Return on Experience back to clients.”
Anyone know what Judy is going to do? It’s a fair bet even Judy doesn’t know.
This isn’t to say every sentence needs to be simple in the vein of “See Jane. See Jane run.” That would be repetitive and boring. In the hands of a good writer, long, complex sentences and similes and metaphors can be glorious. Just read some non-fiction by Tom Wolfe or Gay Talese. But they were masters, and they knew when to ramble for effect. They also used plenty of simple sentences to set up the complicated ones.
Like sports writing, business writing seldom demands long, complex sentences. Even when the subjects are complicated, the sentences should be direct, straightforward and, above all, clear and free of unnecessary jargon. There’s no need to invent new ways to describe commonly understood things; you’re not a poet.
Keeping it simple means your message will be better understood and your busy readers will be grateful for not having to decipher your writing. One good way to avoid overly complex sentences is to read them out loud. If they sound ridiculous or incomprehensible when spoken, they should be rewritten.
Like most phobias, Fear of a Simple Sentence is curable. It just takes practice and determination. So, the next time you want to point out that a lineman has long arms, just say so.